i guess my blood's running colder

[believersneverdie]

been clean for 7 days. 7 days that i did think about the situation, yes, but id say these thoughts were very few and far between. ive had the urge to stalk *, sure, but its been very easily manageable. every time i think about this situation im reassured that this really is the end of it. now i just sit and wait for the lapses of memories and curiosity to get more and more distant, until they, and *, disappear completely. its been a week and im still satisfied with that idea.

on another note, im struggling to shower again. it used to be really bad back when i was depressed- it took a lot of willpower to just get up from the bed and shower. im not feeling anywhere near as hollow as i used to, thank god, but feeling that crippling dread every time i think about leaving my bed, while simultaneously feeling down bc i cant leave my bed, certainly reminds me/takes me back to a mentality and habits i genuinely hated.

guess failing really makes you feel like a failure, who wouldve thought. turns out feeling like a failure isn't the best thing either. shocker

with all that being said, i wont get too mad at myself if i ever relapse and stalk *. it happens, yk. failures