diseases

healing isnt linear, i know. im aware problems never go away- therell always be something going terribly wrong in your life and happiness is fleeting. i just wish Some thing would go my way for once. a singular thing. im not even saying what should work out, ill let life have the luxury of deciding for me, but i just need one good thing man. its so fucking hard to stay positive and headstrong when everything is going so comically bad. its hard to pick myself back up and keep moving sometimes. i know i have to, but i might take a few breaks to rest at rock bottom sometimes, since i keep coming back.

on another not so unrelated note, im growing increasingly aware that my girlfriend is not as naive as i thought she was. idk how to convey this in english, but im realizing shes using her mental illness and traumas to kinda "put me where she wants me" yk. i always end up doing exactly what she wants, even ignoring my own wants and needs sometimes. hmm. ill think about it when im not doing so bad mentally-dont wanna add another curl to the downward spiral

anyways, i really miss killing eve