we do it in the dark with smiles on our faces

i had the kind of depression that just made me feel numb-i never felt anything back when i was younger. i didnt feel sad and i never felt anything close to happiness. just a big, black, empty nothing. my hearts been feeling hollow again, but this time im feeling sad about it. must be because ive come such a long way, ive worked so hard to heal from my depression, and after a few years im getting this feeling i unfortunately recognize. im disappointed, i suppose. that seems to be the theme of the past few months

i think this sadness is also related about how hard it is to be vulnerable. like i said, i was very numb back when i was depressed, so i never really allowed myself to self reflect and figure out what the fuck i was feeling.
i get to sit with myself now. i think out loud, i pray, i try to understand and make sense of my feelings. must be why it feels so strange to have this familiar numbness but also trying to access it this time around. its like this new version of me has to deal with something shes never had to before, and trying to approach a familiar feeling in a completely different way.

progress, i guess ?

healing is never linear, i know, i know. i keep reminding myself that.

i dont know if anyone reads my posts. not that it matters, but itd be nice if theres anybody listening to me yell from the other side of this void. stay sexy, whoever you are