believersneverdie | i see you everywhere. to me youre the only thing that exists (Reply)

its odd to have a presence like you in my life. a non-presence would be a more suitable term i guess... its been forever. ive been trying to think about different people, deposit my yearning and longing and idealizations and illusions into other people but none of them are nothing like you. i know im not supposed to look for you in anyone, and im not, but it really seems like you have every quality i want in someone and how could that possibly be my fault. i really just want to know if youre well. i dont even fucking know if youre alive. its been so long, dont you think you put me through enough shit already? i've apologized more times than i can count, ive ripped my heart off my chest and killed my pride and ego so many times for a sliver of your attention over and over again, and you still wont just fucking talk to me-but always making sure to lovingly answer my questions on your inbox every six months or so. like were strangers. like im nothing more than one of your readers. stupid lamb in the slaughterhouse.

ill keep trying to get over you and ill keep failing until time steals you completely from my memory.
i miss the pictures youd send to show me what youre wearing for class, by the way. you graduated last year. holy shit. its been so fucking long.
those pictures are some of my favourite memories of the time we spent together. im starting to forget the exact shade of green of that skirt that i loved to see you wearing. i hope you can remind me soon, but i highly doubt it.

anyway. ill be here, in complete denial that im still waiting for you, but always conveniently letting you know where to find me